Acceptance doesn't mean that
We like or agree with what happened and sit and do nothing about it. It only means that we come to terms with what we can’t realistically change and focus on what we can.
I always thought that grief was only related to death until I realized that grief is the outcome of losing something that you’ve made part of who you are. E.g., I was … and now I’m not! When in reality, we are still the same. The more profound question is: who are you?
Leaving El Salvador in 2016 and adapting to a new country, culture, and language hasn’t necessarily been a walk in the park. It’s been challenging to accept that I was no longer at home, and here (US) didn’t feel like home until May of this year, seven years later. I had to grieve to grow. I had to realize that my identity goes beyond being “Salvadoran, son, grandson, winemaker, etc.”
The Stages of Grief
The grief process, often referred to as the “stages of grief,” is a psychological and emotional journey we go through when we experience a significant loss (losing a loved one, moving to a new country, leaving a job we cared about, etc.) The process typically includes five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’s important to note that not everyone experiences these stages in the same order or intensity, and the grief process is unique to each person. Grieving is a natural and individual process that helps us cope with and heal from our losses.
For me, it felt like I lost my identity. I spent a lot of time in denial. I went through a time of depression as part of the grief process until I finally accepted that I was here and this is also home. What brought me closer to the acceptance stage was the fact that I finally had the courage to say goodbye to my 97-year-old grandmother, who I grew up, with when I visited earlier this year. I accepted the fact that she would not be here forever. I was angry for different reasons, and I had to forgive to accept.
Resilience: a valuable lesson
Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from adversity and becomes a crucial asset during the grief process. Grieving can be a resilience-building experience in itself. Moreover, grief can be a catalyst for growth, where we emerge from our loss with newfound strength and a deeper appreciation for life.
We can’t go from zero to a hundred and skip the process. A cup of humility is needed to accept the fact that we can’t rush the healing process or to accept the fact that we need to heal in the first place. All we can do to begin this process is negotiate with ourselves to determine what’s in our control and what’s not. Then, our energy can be used more efficiently when we know where to go and how to get there.
Keep it up; we’re almost there!
